We learn early that LOVE, truest of true love, is about someone else. It’s for that “soul mate,” that one and only, perfect for me, made for me, partner. We learn to first say “I love YOU” and not “I love ME.”
We also learn early what LOVE looks, sounds, and feels like, all from our earliest relationships. Likely your parents. How your parents responded to your cues, cries, and needs all set the tone for your inner understanding of love. How your parents showed love to one another taught you what to expect from a future partner.
The first 3 years of life literally form your LOVE blueprint.
If your first 3 years were short of perfect that’s A-OK. We remain highly resilient and flexible in our learning throughout life. Each intimate relationship adds to and changes our blueprint. As an adult, you have the power to transform your LOVE blueprint!
Let’s think for a moment about when you were a child…
- What did you learn about love?
- How was love expressed in your home?
- How was love talked about in your home?
- Did you grow up learning how to love yourself?
Really allow yourself to think about your LOVE blueprint and what messages you received early on about relationships. Think about any beliefs you hold about LOVE. Are any of these limiting your potienal to give and receive LOVE?
Limiting LOVE beliefs might sound like: “I don’t deserve it,” “I need to be thinner, prettier, smarter, just more perfect to be loved,” or maybe “I don’t want to settle down (because deep down I’m terrified I won’t find anyone).”
CAUTION: Even if you’re in a committed relationship you may still be bringing your limiting beliefs into your relationship. These usually show themself during times of tension and arguments.
Let me tell you that REAL LOVE needs to first come from you and to you. Very few people really know how to give love to themselves mostly because we are never taught how. This is not your fault or your parents (because they weren’t taught either). But we can start changing all this!
Today, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “I LOVE ME!” Say it like you mean it! That’s an essential step. Then feel free to express your love to those in your life. But first, just start with giving yourself the good stuff!
How you show yourself love sets a standard for how you expect to be loved. If you mistreat yourself, you are more likely to be mistreated. If you are unclear on how you love yourself, you’ll likely lack clarity on what you really need from a loving relationship. If you believe deep down you don’t deserve love, you won’t attract it.
Today embrace LOVE in whatever ways it is present in your life. Give gratitude for all of your loving relationships!
I believe YOU deserve love. GREAT LOVE! And I can help you learn how to LOVE yourself more every day and how to bring more LOVE into your relationships.