I get asked over and over, “how’s the wedding planning going?” The eyes looking back at me are filled with anticipation for what I’m going to devolve. I stumble and search for a response. I usually end up awkwardly laughing and say, “What planning?” with a shrug of my shoulders. I see the disappointment or maybe it’s confusion that gazes over their once hopeful eyes. I guess I was supposed to ramble on into the details of which flowers I’m debating between or the colors. THE COLORS! I’m suppose to have colors?! Wait…this isn’t prom right?
I keep calling my best ladies asking them what could I be forgetting. I ask them, "Why isn’t this more stressful?" I look on the Pinterest pages that outline what to have done by when and I can’t seem to find anything essential that I’ve dropped the ball on.
How could this wedding planning be so easy-peasy and stress free???
I’ve heard the horror stories and even witnessed the pains of wedding planning from those close to me. So far we’ve been in the clear from this mayhem. My fiancé and I are really easy going folks and it just wouldn’t be our style to get all in a frenzy over details he and I just won’t care about or remember once it’s all said in done. We currently live an amazing life and frankly, we don’t want to take away from what we are doing NOW, planning for a very important day yet it is but one day in a lifetime together. So we've prioritize continuing to enjoy our day to day lives and what we love most while we also gear up for an exciting moment to share with those we love most. Rather than be consumed by perfection of what the day needs to be, we trust in the experts we are working with to help make it great. Not perfect. But great.
Yes, I enjoy pinning to my wedding Pinterest board. Yes, I love conjuring up fun new ideas to make our day just a little more special. Yes, I love thinking about getting all beautified and dressed up. But there is absolutely no dang darn reason to transform into one of those bridezillas, drop 50 lbs through crazy diets, and become people we just aren’t. It’s a very special day and a day where you need to be most who you truly are. Not someone the wedding industry wants you to be or become. Over stressing about planning could be a symptom of anxiety about the day itself or anxiety about commitment. I'll go more into this anxiety in a future post!
To keep stress low, I’ve outlined my 4 proven strategies.
1. Make a priority list: with your partner, make a top five list after you get engaged to capture what is most important to you both. You will begin to get pressures from family or friends about what your day needs to include. Consider their suggestions but keep true to your top 5. This is your day and it needs to reflect you. Our top 5 included:
- Live Band
- Open bar
- Paperless invites (had to do some negotiating here with family)
- Registry for traveling
2. Trust the experts: they do this day in and day out. No one likes to be bullied or told how to do what they already know how to do. Yes, be prepared with what mirrors you both as a couple (brides, this isn’t just about you!). This is where Pinterest can be so helpful! But ultimately trust in the people you are hiring. For example, I sent my florist who was highly recommended a few pictures and told her to do what she does! Micromanaging is a sure fire path straight to over stressing.
3. Get married when you’re a little older: we are in our 30’s and I wholeheartedly believe this has helped reduce angst about our big day. We’ve been able to attend most of our friend’s weddings where we could pull from what we liked and what didn’t fit us. We also have outgrown the concept that the day needs to be perfect. You can see the big picture, meaning you understand that this is one day and that getting married is about a much bigger commitment.
4. Enjoy engagement: once we’ve walked the isle and said our “I dos” we will have been engaged for nearly 16 months. Typically, folks are engaged for 6-12months. The fact that we’ve had so much time has significantly reduced our stress and helped us to enjoy the unique time in our lives, to just be engaged. We still took care of all the big ticket items that need to schedule well in advance but we had stretches of time where we didn’t even need to think about planning. And that's been so refreshing. So, take your time. Honestly, what’s the rush? You'll be married for years and only engaged for a short time. Soak it up!
These are the tips that have worked best for us for reducing wedding planning stress. I understand they won’t work for everyone. But if you’re feeling stressed, check in and ask yourselves, will this matter in 5 years? Will I even remember this detail? Does this contribute to my partner and I having a strong committed relationship? You’ll find the clarity you need.
As a relationship expert and life coach, I can help you with your wedding planning and big day. From premarital counseling to stress relief I have the expertise you need and can work across the country! Call me for a free 30-minute conversation today.